BY BILL TIHN-LEINAR, WITH ADDITIONAL REPORTING BY STU MacAIKEN

MILE HIGH CITY, CO–  In what some would call a sign of the times, the  winner of this year’s Hemp Fest Marathon was disqualified a full nine months after his record-breaking finish, when his A-sample was finally discovered and analyzed.  Ken Abbiss, of Tanzania, had completed the course an astounding 46 minutes in front of the second place finisher, “Lazy” Larry Grumbo.  While his record will not stand, Mr. Abbiss does become the first athlete in history to be labeled a cheat for passing doping controls.  “The rest of us were more than suspicious when he didn’t even stop to grab munchies at the aid stations!” said Mr. Grumbo when informed by The Heel Strike of the shocking announcement.

It took  273 days before Abbiss’ A-sample was finally tested, as it had been misplaced and completely forgotten by the race…