I can’t imagine being a woman, because women always have to deal with creepy dudes. Creepy dudes are everywhere! Let’s rewind.
On Tuesday, I was out for my run. I was running a nice steady pace. I approached a guy from behind and passed him. Apparently, this caused the little fella to see red, because he chased after me like a crazed spider monkey that just put away a couple of Four Lokos. The guy actually cut in front of me… and then slowed down. Oh, dear.
So I passed him again – keep in mind that my pace never changed this entire time. The guy takes off again. At this point, I’m pretty sure his heart rate is approaching 200. He looked like Kanye West every time Beyonce doesn’t get an award. He looked like Ted Cruz when he meets someone on food stamps. He looked like Christian after Anastasia suggested they try the missionary position. This guy was pissed!
Anyhow, I slowed down. No need to poke the [crazy] bear. I went on with my run and I got off that road as soon as I could. Don’t worry – the fun isn’t over yet!
A couple of miles later, King Creepy showed up again. Keeping to his creepy ways, he sped by me… and then slowed down again. He even gave me a look over his shoulder. It was clear that he didn’t want to strike up a conversation (about all the little animals he has killed and kept in his freezer) – he wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to pass him.
At this point, I turned around. I read the news – I know how this story ends if I pass him back.
A woman would never be this creepy on a run. I sincerely hope that most guys wouldn’t be this creepy on a run. I can’t believe women have to put up with this stuff every day – I don’t know how you do it. Seriously, how do you do it?!
Don’t believe me? It’s true. Creepy dudes are everywhere:
As always, I will shamelessly promote pepper spray.